


Things On Trial

by mansikka



Series: Filling In The Gaps [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-07 21:16:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14089824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: A musing on Alec's thoughts during Blood Calls To Blood





	Things On Trial

The first and only place Alec wants to be right now is Magnus' loft, and yet it's also the very last. Even when he steps through the doorway and Magnus is showing him his back, a calm descends over Alec sweeping in to soothe him a little, like this loft has become a sanctuary already despite only being here twice.

He doesn't want to be here, and the moment Izzy suggested it Alec found about a thousand excuses not to. But for Izzy his own discomfort must be pushed to one side; this might be her last chance, Magnus her only hope, and who is Alec to deny her that for the sake of his own confused feelings?

"I need to ask you something," he says to Magnus' impatient, disinterested question.

"Will it take long? I have a life to live, and there's not much for us to talk about."

Magnus' words should not wound him like they do, but Alec schools his expression anyway ready for when Magnus finally turns.

"It's not about me, or… any of that," he says, knowing it's pointless to wish for anything different. Hating that he's referring to this _thing_ brewing between them as something so _small_. "This is about my sister."

"Oh, I see. Are you referring to the fact that your _adorable_ fiancee has Isabelle on trial for treason?"

Lydia, Alec thinks, a whirl of imagined future by her side making him feel a little sick. Though not as much as Magnus' next words do.

"What can I do for you, Alec?"

No _Alexander_. Alec's stomach clenches already missing his name on Magnus' tongue like an endearment, replaced by the harshness of someone who thinks Alec is taking up too much of his time.

"My sister wants you to be her defense attorney. I said I would ask. But I'm sorry to bother you; I know a Downworlder can't defend a Shadowhunter in court."

Which is true, he does know that. So why has he come all this way to waste both their time? Alec won't let himself answer the question, focussing all his thoughts on helping Izzy. He turns away, thoughts already on leaving. This has been a wasted journey, and allowing himself a final glimpse at Magnus has almost been his undoing.

"But a Shadowhunter accused of a crime can choose any advocate," Magnus tells him, which stops Alec in his tracks.

"That can't mean a Downworlder," Alec insists; there can't be even more things he doesn't know about his own world revealed to him today.

"The Clave was so rigid and prejudiced back in what they call the Time of Angels, that they didn't dream of a Shadowhunter asking a Downworlder for help. They didn't even bother to exclude us."

Even Magnus' voice is a lyrical, fluid thing, embellished with a wave of his hand and the shimmer of his shirt, and jewelry. Alec tries not to let himself look.

"So," Magnus says, standing and breaking Alec's staring at him, "since, as you all say, _the Law is the Law_ —"

Alec can't help it, there's no way to hide his smile for _that_.

"—there's no stopping me from slipping through this gaping loophole—for the right price."

Alec watches him take a sip of his drink and has to keep things moving before he gets distracted. "Name it."

"You. In fact, I'll do you pro bono," Magnus retorts, and this time it's even harder not to smile. Though Alec needs to pause for a moment, because there is a snap second where he lets his thoughts wander, and has to remind himself that none of this is about _him_ ; especially if it means him getting something that he wants.

"Anything else?"

Alec catches the way Magnus' eyes travel down over him and tells himself he doesn't feel a thrill of excitement for it.

"What else is important to you? What else tells me that your sister means enough for you to make a real sacrifice?" Magnus asks, apparently considering the question carefully as he turns away from him.

Alec stares at the back of his head, doesn't let his own eyes linger where they shouldn't be lingering now he's engaged to someone else.

"Oh… I know," Magnus says with a tone in his voice that Alec can't place as he watches him turn back around. "Your bow and quiver. How about that?"

Honestly, Alec thinks, it might have been easier if he'd asked for a limb.

He opens his mouth to protest, and once again forces himself to think only of Izzy. "Done."

Magnus' look for him is considering, and as they stare back at each other that sense of time shifting hits Alec again. He wants to close the gap between them, ask Magnus to fix him a cocktail, and weirdly, do something like reach out a hand.

"Is this what you want?" Magnus asks, staring at Alec over the top of his glass.

Alec knows without asking that Magnus means his impending wedding, and wants to blurt out that it's the last thing he wants.

"It's what I have to do," he replies, a little more curt than intended, but perhaps that's the way he has to speak to Magnus now, to disguise his true thoughts.

"You don't, you know."

"Magnus," Alec says, with warning in his voice, because if anyone is going to talk him out of this—possibly without even trying too hard—then it's Magnus.

"Fine," Magnus sighs, sounding resigned as he turns and drains his glass. "Am I to accompany you to the Institute now, or can I portal over in time for this… _trial_."

"Come when you're ready," Alec tells him, wishing he could convince himself to stay, though knowing that he has to leave.

"Then I suppose I will see you in the Institute," Magnus replies, and Alec knows he's being dismissed. There are eyes on his back as he turns to leave, and that step across Magnus' doorway is one of the hardest he's had to take today.

* * *

Alec shifts in discomfort on the narrow seating as they begin Izzy's trial, unable to drag his eyes away from Magnus in his perfectly-fitting suit. He holds his breath as he touches the Soul Sword, hoping there isn't some trick that will mean Magnus disappearing or something worse, sighing out harder than intended when he pulls back his hands, and feels Hodge's eyes on him for it. Alec shifts once more in his seat.

Magnus makes his case beautifully, with Alec focussing on every word. There is grace, confidence, and authority in everything from the words he speaks to the way he paces. And there are numerous times Alec catches himself _looking_ just a little too hard, squeezing his hands in fists against his legs in an effort to keep still.

Magnus' speculation about what might have happened had Meliorn been tortured sits heavy on Alec's gut, and it's the only time in the proceedings so far that he's had to drop his gaze.

And then Lydia is up. Alec's eyes dart repeatedly between her and the back of Magnus' head, looking at his probable future instead of his possible one. Perhaps he's being overdramatic; he has to keep reminding himself he's only known Magnus a matter of days. But these _feelings_ are things he knows aren't due only to the newness of them, they are stirring something in him that whispers of self, want, and desire, and they are powerful; more than any of constant denial.

But Izzy's words surge further guilt in Alec, and there aren't too many things he's done that he's been ashamed of in his life, but this entire situation with what he'd been willing to let happen to Meliorn Alec doesn't think is ever going to not play on his mind.

When Magnus calls Lydia to the stand, Alec's heart stops. Any arguments with himself about not making this about _him_ are fought back against hard, seeing the two of them on opposite sides of an argument that really should never have come down to _sides_. He turns to ask Hodge if Magnus can even _call_ Lydia to the stand, but he too is riveted. So Alec stares at the back of Magnus' head, reins in his eyes when they continue to drift, reminds himself that there are loopholes within their Laws that he didn't even realize existed until Magnus had spoken them out loud.

Lydia's speech makes Alec feel even more torn. She's right, every word she's saying, but then he'd also thought her right about everything that had led to this trial. Is he so wounded by everything that's happened with Jace, and Clary, and his parents, that he's forgotten his own moral compass and got lost in being hurt?

Alec doesn't miss Magnus' eyes lingering on him for a second as he turns in the middle of Lydia's speech, smiles ruefully as Izzy turns when he's reminded of their love for one another. There is a second when he loathes himself for siding with Lydia leading to being on the opposing side to Izzy, and another moment when he wishes he could either stop time, or reverse it, then wishes all of this was just _done_.

Lydia's recognition of why Magnus has taken Izzy's case makes Alec's head spin again, a fresh surge of _something_ for Magnus that he's scared to define. And then she's withdrawing the charges, and Alec's standing in a daze, not sure he believes his own ears, or can trust them anyway. Magnus is sweeping Izzy up in his arms, and Alec is pushing past Hodge to get out in the aisle so he can hug her himself.

He can't take his eyes from Magnus, can't stop smiling as he watches him jubilantly send a stack of paperwork scattering into the air. Alec is relieved, and he allows himself a second to feel awkwardly proud of Lydia, even if it's from Magnus that he still can't look away.

His joy is short lived. The Inquisitor has always been ruthless, and she speaks the very words that he fears. This is not over, and Izzy's only hope now lies in getting back the Mortal Cup. How can one moment of joy be replaced so instantly by a thousand more of despair? Alec watches Izzy being escorted away and allows himself to be comforted by the heat of Magnus standing by his side. Then forces himself away to stand with Lydia.

* * *

Alec's fury at Jace's outburst feels like a living, breathing thing. Alec's already accepted that how things went with Meliorn were not only wrong but could have led to a war between Shadowhunters and Downworlders. He knows he's going to have to find a way to deal with that, make up for his part in what almost happened, and that there's no easy fix.

But Jace being so conveniently principled about the entire thing and aligning himself once more with Clary after Izzy almost got deruned is just too much. Alec can't currently see his way out of the darkness that is the divide he feels from his parabatai, and has to snatch himself away before he does something stupid, like lash out.

It's only a short walk to see Izzy, but Alec uses the time to make a decision. No more deviating from the path for him, only doing what really _is_ right. He's marrying Lydia, and this decision will fix so many of their problems. It's selfish to want something for himself when there is so much responsibility on his shoulders that he has to carry.

Izzy's been crying. And Magnus comforting her, Alec is sure. He steps through the door and sees them crowded together, and has a fleeting wish that so very many things were different, even if they never can be. What is important now is that Izzy is free, and though it doesn't feel like things can ever go back to _normal_ around here anytime soon, there is a semblance of stabilizing that he desperately needs.

Alec pleads with himself to stop _looking_ at Magnus. Even when he's got Izzy in his arms and he can feel her trembling with relief, all he can see is _Magnus_. It's ridiculous, Alec tells himself, and even more so that he feels a pang of loss when Magnus prepares to leave.

"Walk me out, will you. We have some business to settle," Magnus says, already walking away.

Alec knew that was coming, tells himself it's only so Magnus can retrieve his bow and quiver. Plans a couple of thank yous along the way for all he's done for Izzy, and pleads with himself to not say anything more. He hugs Izzy tight once again then turns to leave, charging out behind Magnus and already afraid of how to speak.

"This way," he says when he catches Magnus up, directing him to where the bow and quiver are kept. He doesn't say anything else as he opens the cabinet, tries to tell himself it's only a bow and some arrows, and that they are worth nothing compared with Izzy's life. Which they aren't; it's just that they've been a part of Alec for so long now that in a way he's giving away a part of himself. And if that isn't symbolic, and confusing, given that he's giving them to _Magnus_. Alec steels himself against further, similar thoughts, and turns to face him.

"As promised, payment in full. Thank you."

He doesn't mean to inject bitterness into his tone but it's there anyway. Perhaps that's an effective part of his mask, as well as a sincere feeling for what he's giving up. Magnus walks away without a single word, which Alec thinks is probably for the best, but then he's stopping in his tracks and standing there for a moment before slowly turning around.

"I just want you to know, Lydia was wonderful in court. She's great."

"So you get it," Alec says, smiling, hoping that if Magnus understands his reasons, then perhaps despite everything, the least they'll get to be is friends. Which will be difficult, but Alec wants to hold on to him any way he can.

"No, Alec," Magnus replies, his voice seeming to tremble a little, "I get her. I _like_ her. But you don't have to marry her."

"Yes, I do, Magnus."

Alec has a list of arguments prepared. Who is this _warlock_ , anyway, to be telling him what he should and shouldn't be doing. This is not a wedding of emotion, it's of duty, and honor, and right now there is nothing more important than that.

"You'll be lonely all your life, and so will she. Neither of you deserve it," Magnus adds, and he's speaking everything that Alec is pretending he doesn't fear. "And I don't either."

Alec's heart thuds hard. These feelings are too much, too soon, and too big to understand. But that it's more obvious now than ever that Magnus is feeling them too, that _he's_ hurting, leaves Alec overwhelmed. He watches Magnus' expression falter as he looks away, a resigned smile curling up his lip. Alec wants to _do_ something, but he's already committed to a path. There is no way out of this now.

"I don't know what to do with these," Magnus says then, gesturing with the bow and quiver, "you keep them for me."

Alec catches the look in his eye and wants to ask for the meaning behind it. Is this a token of friendship, a sign that he's giving up, a nod to the fact that Magnus knows everything Alec is feeling is conflicted. He looks at the bow and quiver in his hands, then watches Magnus leave, and wishes, more than anything, he was allowed to follow.

* * *

 


End file.
